He grabbed me by the neck, I could not call or scream;
He dragged me to his dingy room where we could not be seen.
He tore away my flimsy cover and looked upon my form;
I was so cold, damped and scared while he was hot and warm.
His burning lips he pressed to mine, I gave him every drop;
He drained me of my very self, I could not make him stop.
He made me what I am today, that's why you find me here;
An empty bottle thrown away, that once was filled with beer.
Mon: I was invited by the captain of the ship to dine with him. What a pleasure!
Tues: He invited me to his office. He was a real gentleman.
Wed: The captain made advances on me. He was no gentleman. I got angry.
Thurs: The captain was mad. He threatened to sink the ship if I would not cooperate and sleep with him tonight.
Fri: I saved the lives of the passengers of the ship.
Dick-tionary:
(Note: This is not arranged alphabetically. Sorry about that!)
Business failure: a pregnant prostitute.
Dead stick: when the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
Motel: "tirahan"
Eunuch: a man cut to be a bachelor.
Exploration: beating around the bush.
Masturbation: what usually happens when a coutry cannot feed its people.
Bikini: a baiting suit.
Brassiere: a device to bring out a girls best points.
Engagemnet: the period of urge on the verge of a merge.
Queer: a guy who eats on the fly at the Y.
Diehard: a man who was shot in the act.
Wisecrack: the past tense of virgin.
Rape: hit and run romance.
Inexperienced: a man who rips off a girl's bra and then bites her ear.
Taxidermist: a man who mounts animals.
Stenographer: a little thing that sometimes causes a divorce.
Taxi Driver: a man who drives away customers.
Zipper: the undoing of the modern girl.
First Love: a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.
Woman: the animal that's most attached to man.
Wolfess: a campfire girl that still likes to play with fire.
Weather Report: strong winds followed by high skirts followed by me.
Lover's Lane: the route of all evil.
Fornication: adultery without benefit of clergy.
Sanitary Napkin: that's a manhole cover.
Automated: a couple making love in a car.
Artificial Insemination: copulation without representation.
Sex Drive: a trip to a motel.
Adultery: a right man in the wrong place.
Statutory Rape: is unlawful entry.
Virgin: a girl who won't take in what a guy is taking out.
Kiss: application for a better position.
Nudism: life in the raw.
Nymphomaniac: a girl who wants to tackle all evil at the root.
Mermaid: a bottomless girl in a topless swimsuit.
Dating: a relationship between a male and female which starts with a little romance and ends with a lot of expense.
Wedding: an appointment made by two explorers each of whom plan to strike out in a different direction.
Marriage: a contract between two people for the benefit of one.
Honeymoon: the vacation a man takes before he starts working for his new boss.
House: a place where a woman can say anything she pleases, because everyone listens to her.
Home: a place where a man can say anything he pleases, because no one listens to him.
Alimony: the price of freedom.
War is War:
One day during the ancient wars, a lusty Roman soldier broke into a stately home where he found two beautiful ladies and their matronly servant.
"Prepare thyselves for a conquest, my dears," roared the soldier. The girls fell to their knees and pleaded with him. "Do with us thou desire, sir, but please spare our faithful old servant."
"Shut thy mouth," interrupted the servant," War is war."
Soooo Hooorny!:
Math Teacher: (asking the whole class) If I have 5 children from first husband and 10 from my second husband, I have.....? Yes Dave!
Dave: Mam, your horny. Soooo Hoooorny!!!
In the Nude:
A socialite sought out Oscar Zalameda and offered him twenty thousand pesos to paint her in the nude. Zalameda refused, explaining that it was against his principles. A week later, she called up again and offered him forty thousand pesos. Again he refused. When she called him the third time and offered him one hundred thousand pesos, he asked if he could think it over. The next day Zalameda phoned her and said, "I'll do it on one condition. I'll have to wear socks," he said. I need a place for my brushes."
Phallic Symbol:
The young lady nodded her head at what the psychiatrist was telling her and said, "Yes I see, Dr. Santos. At least I see everything but one point. The one thing I'm hazy about is this "phallic symbol" you mentioned. What's a phallic symbol?"
"A phallic symbol," said the psychiatrist, "is anything that can be used to represent or symbolize a phallus."
"But what is a phallus, Doctor?"
The psychiatrist said, "I think I can explain that most clearly by a demonstration." He stood up, unzipped his fly, and said, "This, my dear young lady, is a phallus."
"Oh," said the girl, suddenly comprehending, "I see. You mean it's like a prick, only smaller?"
What Was That?:
"What was that you said, Resty?" she asked as she loosened her shoulder straps. "Say it again, dear." She let her dress slide to the floor. "I can hardly believe it!" She stepped out of her shoes, drew a chair, and slowly peeled off her pantyhose. "Promise me you won't tell anybody," she implored, her voice quivering with excitement. She wiggled slightly and her sheer underthings slipped and fell in a heap of perfumed ruffles at her feet. "All right, Resty - goodnight." and she hung up.
RAPE:
"Mother Superior! Mother Superior!" cried a nun, "I've just been raped by four men!"
"Calm down," urged the Mother Superior, "and eat this lemon."
"Will that help me calm down?"
"No, but at least it will wipe that silly grin off your face!"
More Time:
Adjusting himself after a back-seat quickie, Matt turned to his date and said apolegetically, "Gee, Leah, if I had known you were still a virgin, I'd have taken more time."
"Gee, Matt," she rejoined, "If I had known you had more time, I'd have taken off my panty hose."
Anatomy:
Tonette was taking an anatomy course in a medical school. The professor ask her to go to the blackboard and draw a picture of a male sexual organ in its normal position. She went to the board and drew a very obvious erection. "I told you to draw it in the normal position," berated the professor. "Yes," said Tonette, "but that's the only way I've ever seen one."
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